Will I Shrink?

Since I started working again I have found out how different I am from most people.  The world has really changed all around me and I have been hidden at home. 

I have always struggled to connect to people.  I want to be like everyone else, to fit in comfortably.

I work with some great people.  I like them immensely - but I am not like them. 

Do they see and feel the way I do? 

I think that the biggest thing we have in common is that we are trying to live a happy life.  We love family and friends.

I think the biggest thing we don't have in common is, that my life is centered around God and His eternal plan.  Very few of my new friends are close to God, or recognize Jesus as the Christ.  The ones that are Christian, stick out in the crowd.  Not that their lives are carefree, but they are full of faith and that faith shows!  It is marvelous to see!

We all live in this wonderful world, searching for happiness.  Some of us believe it to be found by following laws and commandments, setting goals and serving others. 

I do not really understand what other's believe brings happiness, or what they want to accomplish in their lives.  It sometimes seems that everyone is just in survival mode.

I am greatful for the things we have in common and hope we can build on that.  I like diversity and can learn so much from the experiences of those around me. 

I hope I can also share with them and inspire them to know that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them.  I wish more people could understand the plan of happiness.

I am happy to realize that it is not as important to me to fit in as it use to be.  I may feel alone in the crowd, but I am happy! 

It may not always be easy to be different.  We are continuously challenged to 'Stand in Holy Places', 'Dare to Stand Alone', 'Never Leave Him', etc. etc... 

I have been reading lots of conference talks referring to Lehi's Vision of the Tree of Life.  I am afraid of being mocked.  What will I do when that happens?  I am afraid of being in the world and wanting to fit in!  Can I be different when contention shows it's face?  I am afraid of who I will become.

Two of my favorite talks that seem to spark my thoughts were:

1. "They're Not Really Happy", Glenn L. Pace
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/11/theyre-not-really-happy?lang=eng
2.  "What Is Truth", David Bednar
http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/ces-devotionals/2013/01?lang=eng&vid=2201224691001

My question, my fear is "Will I shrink" when life gets hard?"

I guess my answer will only come as I live each day. 

I am so greatful for Lehi's Vision and for Nephi's interpretation to his brothers.

1 Nephi 15:23-24 -

	"And they said unto me: What meaneth the rod of iron which our father saw, that led to the tree?
	And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction."   I am holding fast, clinging, hanging on with all my might.

I am grateful for the whys...

I was writing in my 'Journal Jar' journal the other day...  in answer to a common request that I should probably repeat at least once a year. 
The question was 'Do I have a testimony?  Write down the things you do believe and know are true.'
As I contemplated this question...  which I didn't consider hard...  just time consuming -  I decided to procrastinate my answer for a few days. 
In the next few days, I reflected not just on the things that I believe; but the experiences that led me to believe or to recognize what I believe. 
What a blessing to relive some of those thoughts and feelings.
Questions like, 'Heavenly Father are you really there?  Do you love me?' don't usually come at the happiest moments in our lives.  But they become priceless moments, real treasures.
Every thing that I believe, I believe for a reason and I am grateful for the experiences that have led me to know and to believe. 
I am grateful for the spirit which helps us remember and for the instructions to keep a journal, where we can keep a record of our priceless moments.

I am not going to ask what can I do better this year...

I am going to ask, what can I do better today!

You never know what is around the corner. 
I have no idea what new challenge or opportunity is waiting for me next.

Does it really matter what hill I am attempting to climb, or mountain to scale? 
I love to keep busy.  I have a ton of projects to complete, but I cannot define my success in what I get done.  

What matters to me is that I do my best and have a good attitude each and every day. 

I want to go where God wants me to go, do what He wants me to do and say what He wants me to say!  And that is something I have to do one day at a time!



 

I love this time of year!

I love the music. 
I love the lights. 
I love the decorations. 
I love the food.
I love the anticipation.
I love being with family and friends.
I love my Savior.

Thanks for Thanksgiving!

I have been inspired by the people who are counting their blessings each day on facebook. 
I think it is a wonderful way to mark the days as we look forward to Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving! 
For one thing, I don't need to worry about shopping for presents. 
I just need to find ways to love and serve everyone gathered around me. 
Every year it may be someone different. 
Every year, there is always someone in my heart who is far away. 
But it is a great time for family and friends to stop and reflect on the blessings of our lives and the gifts given to us by our Heavenly Father. 
We try to say 'thank you' throughout the year, but to have a holiday for Thanks helps us refocus when we get caught up in the world, lost in our troubles, and overwhelmed by life itself. 
Sundays and Thanksgiving are two of my greatest blessings!

Spoiled girl... are you murmuring again?

It was the worst of times, it was the best of times...
Well maybe not the worst - but hard! 

Am I murmuring again???

Now that Roger's health is improving I can stop worrying so much about him and it's time for me to get to work...  Yes, real work.  I am looking for a job!  WOW!  Nothing like a dinosaur trying to fit indiscreetly into the modern world. 

Every day I tell myself...

 

'I can do this! 

This is important! 

Everything is going to be okay!'

Then I start looking for jobs, filling out applications and going to interviews.  By the end of the day I think I am lying to myself. 

Murmur... Murmur...

My head is screaming 'you don't fit in, you don't belong here'...  And in many ways, this is true.  My heart is at home.  I am not a career minded woman.  My favorite job is 'Volunteer'. 

Murmur... Murmur...

The hardest job in the world is job-hunting... No one would argue with that. Nobody is job hunting for the joy of it.   Once hired, things will get easier!

 

It's not that I'm afraid of work.  I like to keep busy.  I am afraid of a job.   I know that when I start a job, it can become a priority and I don't like it when home takes second place.  It happens so easily to me, so quickly... 

But there is no other choice, we need the income.  It will be for the best!  And I know that I am not alone, small prayers are answered every day.  I have many blessings to count and there is a reason for everything.  So I will continue to pray and tell myself...

'I can do this!

This is important!

Everything is going to be okay!'

 

---------------------------------------------------

Thankfully,

the best of times comes as a buffer with the hardness of life. 

Welcome Elise!

 

Healthy, beautiful little girl!!!

Joy of my joy!

She is a reminder that life is full of experiences that warm your heart one day, and test your strength another.  That all bad things come to an end and true happiness is eternal.

I don't get everything I want, poor spoiled girl...

but I do have everything that I need!

 

No more murmuring!!!

My daily walk through the scriptures

I have spent the last few weeks studying talks that quote Nephi's famous statement in The Book of Mormon,

"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." 

This has always been a favorite scripture, especially when I am facing a new assignment at church or making a stand of obedience facing oppostion.

The talks I have read come from speakers at the General Conferences of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1942 to 2012.  They have opened my eyes to so much more meaning than I saw at first.  What is almost unbelieveable, is how each talk unfolded to give me the comfort and counsel I needed on the day that I needed it most.  I was just reading down the list provided at http://scriptures.byu.edu/.  When I started to read the Book of Mormon again at the beginning of the year I chose this website as my study plan.  I have read about 70 talks and have about 20 more to go on this single scripture! 

This means I started reading when things in my life were on a smooth plane and about midway, things changed rapidly.  We went from stability to unemployment and then to loss of health.  And every step of the way, I read the words I needed the most all following one scripture. 
It still amazes me!

I am so grateful for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am so grateful for modern prophets and apostles, general authorities and auxilary leaders who valiantly stand for the right, give us words of warning and prophesy to the truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Their words of love and encouragement uplift and sustain me when I need it most.  Their examples inspire me to do better.  Their testimonies help reassure me that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and will never give up on me.  Their messages remind me that there is purpose in my life and my daily decisions make a difference.  They instill in me the desire to pray, to study and to serve.  They build my desire to be like my Savior, Jesus Christ.  They feed me words of hope and comfort and joy, which satisfy my soul and yet - make me want more and I read longer than I should!

My scriptures have notations and post-it notes on many of the pages, but now I keep a separate scripture journal to write down my thoughts and feelings as I read.  There just isn't any room in the margins anymore!  What is so wonderful about the scriptures is that I know one day in the future when I read the same passages again - I will find something new that is meant for me when I need it most.

This new method of studying scripture has really helped me 'go and do the things the Lord commands'...